Last night you thought it would be healthier for us both if we didn’t talk and I agreed reluctantly. Another break not unlike the five previous months of speckled contact. We set a date to talk again–to give my feelings time to settle. I marked my calendar for March.06 and set my stopwatch.

It seems we only make boundaries to ignore them, citing our fresh perspectives and the wisdom of a few days as justification. We’ve made so many rules, and broken them and so many more. Our life together is too wild to tame.

I cried everything to you–everything you had ever needed to hear (and I meant every word), and you told me I was five months too late. I had created enough doubt for you, and you had lost enough confidence in us to second-guess my feelings and motivations.

You reminded me how great he is and how happy you are with him and it all shattered me, heart included.

*****

When, at last, I was comfortable opening up, Hunter was near and listened. I had been festering all week without any outlet or release. I had waiting patiently for a chance to burst for days. He suggested that it may have been too late for us long before September.

I thought believing him might be the only way out of this sewer. And then you called and broke the rule now we know better.